Voices of Kwitters — the testimony of a determined person

“One of my coworkers was a smoker and she would be the person that gave me my first cigarette.”

I had my first cigarette at 19 years old. I had just experienced what felt like my first real adult trauma and was working at Aveda part time while in college. It was there where I was surrounded by a fun and eclectic group of coworkers. I really enjoyed going to work with them, it was the time of my becoming as a young woman. One of my coworkers was a smoker and she would be the person that gave me my first cigarette. It took a while for my body to even get used to the nicotine in the chemicals, I remember my stomach hurting and feeling queasy many times in the beginning. But after a while her and I were smoke break buddies and I would have continued to smoke up until I was 37 years old.

“A cold turkey withdrawal: to become the person I wanted to be.“

I quit smoking December 26, 2018, I was 37 years old. At that point I was smoking 5 to 6 cigarettes a day.

I was on a phone call with my family, and I was feeling emotional about the content of the call. When I got off of the phone something inside of me made me realize that in order for me to be taken seriously in life by others, I would first need to take myself seriously. And if I was going to be serious about who I was then and who I wanted to become, then I knew being a cigarette smoker was not in line with that vision. I honestly had no preparation for the cessation; I did it cold turkey.

“The biggest apprehension I have overcome is that I do not need cigarettes in order to survive.”

The first few days without cigarettes, the initial 1 to 3 days, were challenging but manageable. As the time continued on, the withdrawal symptoms intensified and included: coughing during the day and extreme coughing during the night, mucus expulsion, irritability, intense sensitivity producing crying spells or outbursts, sleeplessness, heightened temper and agitation. I knew a set of withdrawal symptoms would appear, but was unaware that they would feel the way that they did. The biggest apprehension I have overcome, although it has not been easy, is that I do not need cigarettes in order to survive or to help me be comfortable with my less extroverted parts or to soothe the pangs of loneliness I experience from time to time.

“I realize that I am human and I give myself permission to make a mistake.”

I actually had a relapse two days ago. I smoked a cigarette and a half and expected myself to be hard on myself for making that choice. But after a day of allowing myself to recover and sit with my emotions of discomfort surrounding the current pandemic and the change in the way we socialize, I realize that I am human and I give myself permission to make a mistake. I do not feel or see myself returning to life as an active smoker and I know that the will power I have exercised over the past year and a few months can continue to lead me on my smoke-free journey.

“Maintaining a healthier relationship with my emotions.”

I would say the strategies I use & have used to deal with my cravings are a combination of food, exercise, drinking water, speaking out loud the fact that I am having a craving and maintaining a healthier relationship with my emotions.

“My Kwitter experience.”

I do not remember how I came across the Kwitter app. What I like most about the app are all of the details and the reminders about your progress. The app helped me to realize the favor I have begun offering my body by removing cigarettes from my life.

I would advise potential Kwitters to continue to dream, wish and imagine the life they want as much as possible. At some point those desires will be louder than the voice that tells you to pick up a cigarette.

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